Michigan embodies envy

Let us make no mistake. We are not perfect. We are sinners too. Many of our posters here have complained that the anti-Michigan screeds here have been unseemly. Well, maybe so, but they arise from wrath--from unjustified fury in response to the abomination of Ann Arbor. At least wrath is an honest sin.

Envy isn't. Envy is small. Envy is sad. In writing classes, they teach that envy is a quick way to make a character lose the audience's sympathy, unless, of course, the character is so pathetic as to invoke pity, or is portrayed as merely callow. An adult who is envious is almost always despicable.

Well, Michigan is old. They keep letting us know how badass they were before McKinley was President (more on that later). And make no mistake--the central emotion driving all bad behavior Michigan has exhibited toward Notre Dame over the decades--Yost's anti-Catholicism, dropping the series (twice), blackballing us from the Big Ten, Bo's atrocious attitude toward the series, the shitty gameday behavior of their fans in 2003 and 2007, you name it--is motivated by envy. And that makes perfect sense.

Michigan has won 800 games, has a bunch of national titles, possesses the all-time winning percentage lead, and is, in all honesty, one of the top ten programs in college football history. It's true, they are! But they aren't Number One, because a religious school a third their size from a neighboring state is and it eats them up inside.

They hate everything about it. They hate that we've won more titles, and so they pretend they've won the same number (no, they haven't). They hate that we've won more Heismans. They hate these things so much that they, and their avatar, Saint Bo, make believe that the Rose Bowl is the most important thing in the game (hint: no). They even hate that Joe Montana went to Notre Dame, and glory in every Tom Brady touchdown, because Brady might retire with a better resume than Joe.

The worst thing is? They aren't even second best. They aren't even third. They aren't even fourth! Michigan is no Southern Cal, no Alabama, and no Oklahoma. They're a second-half of the top ten kind of team--great, really, but no, not same.

Overall, Michigan has it pretty good. But it can't enjoy its success when its view to the southwest is tinted green.