Words of Wisdom

Good Morning. If winning isn't everything then why do they keep score?

God is Love,

Rev Run

From Bill Simmons:

Q: Seattle has a mayoral candidate named Jan Drago. I am thinking of voting for her just based on her name or the chance that, when debating the city's proposed plastic bag tax/fee (which she is against), she will say "If it dies, it dies." Or should I read the voter pamphlet and make an informed decision? -- Dave S., Seattle, Wash.

SG: I received this e-mail before Jan Drago failed to make the final three for November's election, which raises the question, how could you not vote for Mayor Drago??? You know how many of us would kill to have a Mayor Drago so we could make "I can't get over the size of this mayoral candidate!' and "What started out as a joke of an election has turned into a disaster" jokes? The only way I wouldn't vote for a Mayor Drago is if her opponent filmed a commercial in which they climbed a 20,000-foot mountain in Russia wearing only a parka and running boots, then reached the top and screamed, "Draaaaa-gooooooooooooo! Draaaaaaaaaa-goooooooooooo!" Actually, I'd still vote for Mayor Drago. And you know why? Because I vote for me. I vote for me!!!!

(By the way, I just obliterated the record for most "Rocky IV" references crammed into a single paragraph. That was like the sports columnist's version of an unassisted triple play.)

Ryan's New Dogg

Rambo- I named him- Respect Sly Stallone!

I done wet my britches

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In Celebration of AROTCW's 100th Post:

Anyone who says it's not about winning must be a loser.

BPE- you looked washed up by life in that picture. I prefer the other one. You are correct- The Dos does have a responsibility to this City- and The Dos takes that responsibility very seriously. I will not let down my followers.

A Word from the BPE

Dear Dos,

I humbly apologize if I might have offended you. I just want you to keep this place up. This blog serves an important role in the dissemination of important and timely news and thoughts about the world. You have a responsibility to the city of Houston and to the world at large. Do not let us down. Accept the challenge. Embrace it.

I join you in wishing El Torso a happy birthday.

Happy Birthday to El Torso

El Torso, the father previously known as Grant, turns 54 today. I'd like to wish him a very happy birthday. The BPE is in danger of being barred from posting.

The Dos

I'm calling out the Dos

Dos,

If you're going to be a blogger, you've got to blog. This means blogging more than once a week. A minimum should be two entries a week, and you should shoot for more. If you don't keep this place up, it will die.

Regards,

The BPE

Cool Cat

I have a small wish of my own in this season of public and private Utopias. It is that the emergence—or should I say ascendance?—of Barack Hussein Obama will allow the reentry into circulation of an old linguistic coinage. Exploited perhaps to greatest effect by James Baldwin, the word I have in mind is cat. Some of you will be old enough to remember it in real time, before the lugubrious and nerve-racking days when people never knew from one moment to the next what expression would put them in the wrong: the days of Negro and colored and black and African American and people of color. After all of this strenuous and heated and boring discourse, does not the very mien of our new president suggest something lithe and laid-back, agile but rested, cool but not too cool? A “cat” also, in jazz vernacular, can be a white person, just as Obama, in some non–Plessy v. Ferguson ways, can be. I think it might be rather nice to have a feline for president, even if only after enduring so many dogs. (Think, for one thing, of the kitten-like grace of those daughters.) The metaphor also puts us in mind of a useful cliché, which is that cats have nine lives—and an ability to land noiselessly and painlessly on their feet.

(from Christopher Hitchens: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200901/hitchens-obama)

Go Irish

Ever wonder what a 103 lbs. catfish looks like?

A Word from the BPE

I thought I would opine quickly on the currently hot topic of health care reform. I should preface this with a few facts: (a) I don't really know anything about the reforms on the table; (b) I'm not a health economist; (c) I don't really have a dog in this fight. But I do know something about economics.

The fundamental problem in our health care system is that it costs a lot. This is particularly bothersome for the federal government budget outlook, as the federalis pay for roughly 50% of American health care. Either we're going to have to end public support for 50% of health care (i.e. eliminate Medicare or Medicaid, which isn't happening), or we're going to have to raise taxes, or we're going to have to cut other public expenditures, or we're going to have to cut health costs. All of the plans for reform are ultimately aimed at cutting costs and increasing coverage, which are actually related.

One of the reasons health care costs so much is that our current system doesn't incentivize individuals to make efficient decisions. Most Americans receive their insurance through their employer. Because health care is a deductible expense from the perspective of corporate taxes and is not taxable for the purposes of individual income taxes, well, there are strong tax-based incentives to have a "whole lot" of insurance, in which people have low deductibles and low co-pays.

The typical low co-pay rate is something like 20%. This means that an individual only pays for 20 cents of each additional dollar of care. Therefore, we end up with a system in which individuals go through a battery of often unnecessary (and surely inefficient) tests, etc.. This drives up overall costs.

In effect, we've gotten away from what insurance is really meant to be. Insurance is meant to be protection from a rainy day -- i.e. it insures you against *really* bad events. In other words, in a perfect world insurance is meant to insure you against needing a bone marrow transplant, not dealing with an ear infection. A far more efficient system would have people basically pay for day to day things (like ear infections, etc..) and get the treatment they need when something bad happens. This would mean a system with high deductibles and higher co-pays. But the current tax system doesn't encourage a system like this, for the reasons enumerated above. Thus, a good first step would be to change the way in which health benefits are taxed at both the corporate and individual level.

But that doesn't come without costs. I'm actually quite sympathetic to the notion of increasing insurance coverage. If we lived in a system where individuals bought insurance on their own, we'd run into a pooling problem that would cause the insurance market to completely break down. The people who are healthy would choose not to buy insurance. The removal of the people who really need the insurance from the pool of the insured would increase the risk of the pool, driving up the costs of those who really need the insurance.

Another benefit of having increased coverage would be that fewer people would show up at emergency rooms for common colds. This is currently what uninsured people do, given that emergency rooms won't refuse them service.

What we need is a system where (a) most people are insured and (b) individuals have an incentive to efficiently choose their care. Eliminating tax incentives for health would be a good first start, but I won't pretend to know where to go from there.

The BPE . . . out.

Rev's Word

Good Morning. None of your plans will work if you won't.

God is Love,

Rev Run

It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God.

-Thomas Jefferson

HAIL TO THE DUCK

I want to be like The Duck.

The Thurber Nation - Clairvoyance

If you remember my last post, I alluded to the fact that the US midfield looked as if they had H1N1 virus. I am now officially clairvoyant.


From FanNation.com...

U.S. soccer star Landon Donovan has tested positive for the H1N1 flu virus, Donovan told SI.com on Thursday night.

"I felt something when I got into Miami on Sunday," Donovan said. "I just felt real bad and finally went to see the doctor. They took a swab from my nose and confirmed it, so that was that."

Donovan learned of the H1N1 diagnosis on Thursday afternoon, the day after he played 90 minutes in the U.S.'s 2-1 World Cup qualifying loss to Mexico in Mexico City. Even though Mexico has been the epicenter of the global H1N1 outbreak, Donovan said that he contracted the virus in the United States.

My day at Notre Dame football practice

Today I attended a 2.5 hour practice session at the University of Notre Dame du Lac's LaBar practice fields. The practice facility is quite impressive -- two field turf fields, one grass field, and several permanently erect video towers. Quick, somebody call your doctor for a priapism!

They had us sitting on metal bleachers facing east, right into the damned sun. It was hot and rather uncomfortable, even for a relatively cool August morning. Practice began slowly. I was disappointed that the team didn't charge out onto the field in unison. Rather, the players arrived walking slowly by foot, in no particular hurry, with no particular purpose, and in no particular order.

It took me quite some time to locate our fearless leader. It turns out that Coach Weis spent the first thirty or so minutes of practice reclining in a leather office chair in the shade of one of the giant erect video towers. After a while, he hobbled up, twirling his whistle about his fat fingers, walking slowly out to midfield, where he began shouting insanities such as "Nowhere else I'd rather be!" to no one in particular. After a short while he blew a whistle and the practice appeared to *really* begin. The players stretched in unison and then broke off for drills.

I watched from close distance a receiving drill in which the wideouts ran short routes and were expect to catch (with their hands . . . "catch the *&!$-ing ball with your *&!$-ing hands, Tate!"). I was duly impressed at the agility and general athleticism of Michael Floyd, otherwise known as the biggest badass in football. Golden Tate looked good as well, and I must admit that I might have sported a woodrow or three whilst watching Shaq Evans.

Then attention switched to a drill similar to that in Rudy, where a lineman goes one on one with a defensive lineman as a running back runs within a defined line. All I can say is that it's a good thing that Kyle Rudolph can catch the ball and run routes . . .

The team scrimmaged for a time. Those things are hard to read. Is it good offense, or bad defense? I thought both first teams looked quite good, and in particular felt that our offensive line and running game have made important strides. Jimmy Clausen is clearly the best passer on the team, and, as duly noted above, our receiving corps would match up well with most professional Canadian teams.

After the scrimmage it was time for special teams. I just can't for the life of me understand why in name of all that is sacred we can't find a lad who can kick the ball into the endzone. It's going to be another year of holding one's breath on kickoffs.

The day ended with lunch (compliments of the football coaching staff) in the Monogram Room located in the venerable Joyce Center. They served us boxed, premade crap from Honeymade Ham. I was expecting a blackened filet.

Charlie took the podium and tried to sound funny. He wasn't, really. He spoke highly of himself and his own past achievements (of which there, admittedly, many), and threw in the obligatory kiss-up to the faculty in attendance about how academics are *really* number one around here. He ended that with a picture session, available only to children. My friend Mike had both of his kids get pictures with Charlie. In fact, I was the one who took them.

All in all, a fun and interesting day. Perhaps the most indelible image in my mind is just how much standing around there is at a football practice. On most plays, most of the guys on the team are standing around with their hands on their hips.

Tomorrow I'm having lunch in the press box of the stadium. I'll be sure to report back with thoughts and images from that as well, as I know you are all waiting on pins and needles. Although our teams has manifold manifest deficiencies, starting with the coaching staff and continuing down into kicking game, I do indeed suspect a strong season. Right now, I'm predicting 13-0, with blowout wins over every team save USC, whom we'll beat at the last second. The 13th win will occur in the BCS national championship game against Alabama. Florida State will be playing in the Meineke Car Care Bowl the day after Christmas.

The Thurber Nation - USA v Mexico

For about the last two weeks, I have been looking forward to the USA v Mexico World Cup Qualifier. I was fully expecting the USA to go all Zachary Taylor on Mexico. I delighted in the thought of America crushing the hopes and dreams of the 51st state. Soccer is the only thing that the Mexican used to have on their northern neighbors, but these days America is regarded as the more dominant side. Today was suppose to be the day that America officially ended what Sam Houston started at the Battle of San Jacinto - the total dominance of Mexico. The US Men's National Team was supposed to walk into Mexico City and win for the first time ever in World Cup Qualifying. It all seemed to all go according to plan when Charlie Davies put the American ahead early in the first half, but after that goal it all went horribly wrong. Mexico ran the US midfield ragged, to the point where the US looked like they had been infected with the H1N1 virus. Ultimately, Mexico won the game 2-1, which has made me put my dreams of US Soccer imperialism on Mexico on hold. If any of my readers are fans of the Mexican soccer team, enjoy this victory because your day of reckoning is coming. Remember, Americans always find a way to dominate in international sports. Remember BALCO?

The Yo VS The Dos Extravaganza

I, Joey Kieval, agree to take on Scott Sims in a best of 7 Sports Extravaganza to determine the More Dominant Male. We will partake in 7 events, and the athlete who wins 4 of the events first will be crowned the More Dominant Male. By signing this document on this 11th day of August, Year 2009, I agree to this challenge.

I, Scott Sims, agree to take on Joey Kieval in a best of 7 Sports Extravaganza to determine the More Dominant Male. We will partake in 7 events, and the athlete who wins 4 of the events first will be crowned the More Dominant Male. By signing this document on this 11th day of August, Year 2009, I agree to this challenge.

The 7 events include:

2 out of 3 Bowling Matches

2 out of 3 Horse Games

Match Play Putt Putt

1 set of Tennis

Homerun Derby

200M Race

Field Goal Contest



____________ ____________
Joey Kieval Scott Sims
August 11, 2009 August 11, 2009



That is a re-creation of the contract that was signed yesterday by Joey Kieval and myself. Is there any doubt as to who will be victorious? I honestly could have been a professional bowler. Shooting the basketball is my sort of thing- it involves no running. Putt Putt? Need we say more here? People have called me Roger Federer before. I have been taking steroids so I know I will win homerun derby. Joey might have me in the run, but, I do have longer legs and not as much mass in the torso. My leg is the best in the nation- kind of reminiscent to Grahm Gano last year at Florida State when he won the Lou Groza Award. Sorry Joe, you are kind of out of luck. BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR!!!


222 with 2 of the 2's removed.

No. 9's

No. 9 Least Favorite NBA Player: Lebron James

Calm down. I'm not saying he's not one of the best. I'm just saying that I personally despise the guy. I cannot stand the way he carries himself. It made so me soooo happy when Oralndo knocked them off in the Eastern Conference Finals. I just love how he got dunked on by a college player and didn't have the self-confidence to let the video come out. They say that he had nothing to do with it getting confiscated but let me let you in on a little secret- he had everything to do with it getting confiscated. Some of his handlers told him that was a bad move so they did the only sensible thing they could do- blamed it on NIKE. Another thing that recently came out in the news about Prince James is the fact that he smoked marijuana in high school-key Anchorman scene when they announce that Ling Wong, the Panda, is preggers and they announce that this is a big one. Is it just me, or do we all know that he smoked weed in high school? Big Shocker here. Give me a break Lebron. You of all people looking to sell a book? I don't get it. You make more money than probably any other athlete in the US that's not named Tiger. But your ego gets in your way and you want to be the first billionaire athlete. Let me help you out here. It aint gonna happen. Go smoke weed for the 2nd time in your life. HAHA. That's so laughable to me. Also, I sure hope you resign with Cleveland. Doing anything else would be like Chuck Hayes spitting in my face to Cavs fans. But, I bet you do leave.

No. 9 Favorite NBA Player: Stephen Jackson

I don't really have any reason to put Stephen Jackson here except for the fact that he is Poo's favorite player. That is how much I respect Michael Keeper. He is pretty fun to watch and doesn't give a fuck what other people think and I like that in a player. It was pretty special to see him and the Warriors beat the No. 1 seeded Mavs a few years back in the opening round and then challenge the Jazz. It would have been even more special if we could have beat the Jazz in game 7 because then we would have had the Warriors (would have been a Rockets series win) and then the conference finals against the Spurs. Texas would have been up for grabs and the winner would have beaten the above mentioned Lebron James and Cleveland to gain hold of the hardware. It's a damn shame. Oh well, I got a little off topic. There are the No. 9's.

(76,487/30) - 2,547.5666666666

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Go Fuck Yourself.

A Word from the BPE

Allow me, for a moment, to vent about the moderators at Wikipedia.

About a week and a half ago I tried making an entry about the founder of this blog, The Dos. All of the elements of my half-page biographical sketch were completely factual. I described Dos's numerous achievements, including but not limited to his fame as a rap artist, a sportsman, a ladies' man, and a sometimes psychopathic fan of various sports teams.

Not ten minutes later, the entry was deleted.

The apparent justification was that our Dos isn't notable enough, whatever that means. I tried re-posting the entry. Deleted again. I got engaged in an email war with the moderators (some "dude" with a picture of a cat in his profile), to no avail. Eventually I was completely blocked from posting on Wikipedia altogether, and the rest of the known Universe is left ignorant of the exploits of one The Dos.

To make a long story short, today I discovered the following entry on Wikipedia:

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/fucktard

So let me get this straight. The word "fucktard" (excuse my French) has its own Wikipedia entry, but the Dos is not notable enough? Excuse me!?!

Denizens of a Ride on the Chuck Wagon, Unite! I challenge you all to pen your own biographical sketches of our fearless leader, and to submit them with haste to Wikipedia. If enough of us get involved maybe they'll let the page stay up.

Good Luck Mr. Wafer

It has been confirmed that Von Wafer has signed with Olympiakos. I would like to wish Mr. Wafer the best of luck on his new journey. It sure was a pleasure to watch him play last year. Go Noles.

Billy Mays used cocaine

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/TV/08/07/florida.mays.cocaine/index.html

What a crying shame. I was personally very distraught at the untimely death of Billy Mays. He was an icon of late-night TV, and a hero and idol to many young men and women. That a man like this was embroiled in illicit cocaine use is deeply troubling to me.

Let us pray for the repose of the soul of Billy Mays; let us pray for an end to illicit drug use; and let us pray for all the young people who looked up to Billy Mays.

This is Why ESPN Sucks Donkey Cock

I hardly ever tune into ESPN unless they are broadcasting a game I want to watch. Friday afternoon’s College Football Live, which was supposed to focus on Florida State, only enforced why avoiding ESPN whenever possible is a good policy.Here is some of what FSU fans who tuned into Friday’s broadcast had to endure:* According to ESPN college football expert Andre Ware FSU is “being investigated by the NCAA.” Unbeknownst to Mr. Ware, the NCAA’s investigation into FSU’s academic misconduct, which involved all sports programs, not just football, came to an end in 2008. All that is currently going on is an appeal by FSU in response to the sanctions imposed by the NCAA Infraction’s Committee. The “investigation” has been over for a long time.* Of the 3 minutes devoted to previewing FSU’s 2009 season, 1 minute was devoted to the NCAA and probation. Most of the rest of the time was spent discussing when Bobby Bowden might retire (no real news came out of the discussion or Bowden’s short interview).* For some strange reason, and it had nothing to do with the any specific segment, ESPN decided to show highlights of all four Wide Right games against Miami, as well as the 1987 loss when the ‘Noles’ unsuccessfully went for a 2-pointer at the end of the game, and UM’s 2001 blowout of FSU. No highlights of any FSU wins over Miami were shown.* Andre Ware picked FSU to go 7-5 but Miami, who went 7-5 last season and has to open the season at FSU, to go 8-4.* Florida quarterback Tim Tebow was mentioned 8 times and shown on 6 times. In contrast, FSU’s Christian Ponder was never mentioned during the show even though FSU was supposed to be the main team being previewed.* Florida or Gators were mentioned 9 times during the broadcast.


This was taken from Gene "Dot Com" Williams of Warchant.com

Just proof that ESPN is the AntiChrist

What's My Mother Fucking Name?

Snoop Doggy Dogg- that is how you watch football practice.

31 Days Till The Noles Return

Shot out to my boy, Peter Warrick.

A Word from the BPE

Today I'm going to show you a nifty graphical proof of the fact that (a+b)^2 = a^2 + b^2 + 2ab.

I begin with the following geometric axiom: the area of a rectange is equal to its base times its height.

A square is a special version of a rectangle in which the base equals the height. Suppose that we have a square, and that each side of the square is equal to a + b. Therefore, by our axiom, the area of the square is equal to (a+b)^2. But what is (a+b)^2 equal to?

Allow me to add a picture to asist me (see below). I divide the square up into two squares and two rectanges. The squares have areas equal to a^2 and b^2. The rectanges each have areas of ab. The area of the entire square must be equal to the sum of the areas of the squares within it. Therefore, the (a+b)^2 = a^2 + b^2 + 2ab. QED.

The Greatest Athlete Ever?

Not a huge baseball fan......but, I must admit that Kenny Powers is probably the best athlete of my generation. You're Fucking Out!

-The # of Strike-Outs Kenny Averages per Inning

IT'S SHULA TIME!

Where in the world is Carmen Mike Shula?

Get that corn outta my faaaace!

1.7 + .3

3 O'clock Update

JAMS! I did not mean to disrespect you, my brother. Praise be to Allah. I was whacked out of my mind because I was in a Glass Case of Emotion. When is the last time your Octagon has been played with? Peace out fool.


Here is reason # 18,743 why I love Daryl Morey. When asked what he thought about the Rockets not having any nationally televised games this upcoming season, he replied by saying that "it is good. Jeff Van Gundy will not be able to give away secrets on how to beat us next year." God Bless Daryl Morey and Jeff Van Gundy. I have man crushes on both and I'm not afraid to admit it. Mr. Morey also said Chuck is having a great off season via his twitter page. Check it out- www.twitter.com/dmorey.




16-(7*2) {}D {} {}V{} {}D

I'm Hotdoggin' It.

I'm eating James Coney Island for lunch today. Hell, I've been hotdoggin' it since 1923. All of my fans are probably very jealous of me today because of the nutritious heaven that I will be placing in my belly as I struggle to stay under 200 lbs. Have a fantastic day.

The Number of Coneys I am Going to Consume Cut in Half

May our cousin Naomi rest in peace

http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/08/04/obit.naomi.sims/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

The Thurber Nation - The Blind Side

Rarely do I get excited about a movie version of a book that I have read, so when I heard that Hollywood was making a movie version of one of my favorite sports books, The Blind Side by Michael Lewis, I was naturally a bit skeptical.

Well, today the trailer came out, and to say I have changed my expectations about the movie would be an understatement. Take a look.

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1810088176/video/14881491

The NBA

The Dos Bomb is generally very supportive of the National Basketball Association and he also thinks that David Stern is very smart and probably the greatest commissioner any sport has ever seen. That being said, The Dos is FURIOUS at present time. The NBA released its schedule for the upcoming 2009-2010 season and The Houston Rockets have zero nationally televised games. Let me clarify. The team that probably would have won the entire thing had Yao Ming not been injured, or if they could have squeaked out a win in game 7 of the second round, or if they had beaten Dallas on the last night of the regular season, is not playing on national television once. Memphis has a nationally televised game. As does Toronto. Minnesota as well. Hell, Indiana has one, Philadelphia has 2, Oklahoma City has one, Detroit has four, Golden State has 8. WTF? Golden State with 8 and the Rockets with zero. I will bet anybody my head that the Rockets have more wins than the Warriors at the end of the year. I just don't get it. Yes, The Yao Ming Dynasty is probably taking a year long hiatus. Yes, Tracy McGrady potentially could not be back. But, we have a young, fiery team with the potential for a lot of excitement. Ariza is quickly becoming a big name. Arron Brooks is liable to light it up on any given night. Carl Landry is capable of making some noise. Put us on national TV against the Lakers- you know what you'd see? Chuck Hayes shutting down the combination of Lamar Odom, Pau Gasol, and Andrew Bynum. We got completely disrespected and now we will use this to our advantage and show the league that they made a big boo-boo. LONG LIVE CHUCK HAYES! So, I only have one thing on my mind right now. Fuck you NBA. You piece of shit. You give PHOENIX!!!!! 18 games in the spotlight and yet we get zero. You really screwed the pooch on this one. The reason I am really upset is that I won't get to hear JVG call any of our games and am stuck with Bill and Clyde and Matt all year. Thanks a lot. The Dos is out!

Dos []D[][]V[][]D

The Thurber Nation - Movie Dream Team

For those of you that have had any sort of contact with me, I think it is pretty self-evident that I enjoy movies. It is fair to say that my only source of comedy is quoting Ron Burgandy at opportune moments in conversation. Regardless of my lack of originality, I have decided to put my vast knowledge of movie pop culture into good use.

My next three columns will be dedicated to building the ultimate football team using movie characters. However, there will be certain rules that will restrict my roster. First off, there will be no touching of the hand or face. AND THAT’S IT!

No really, here are the rules…

Rule #1 – The movie character cannot come from a sports related movie
Rule #2 – Only one character can be chosen from any individual movie
Rule #3 – No mythical characters shall be allowed
Rule #4 – Actors cannot appear more than once on the team
Rule #5 – No former professional football players will be allowed on the roster (ex:Carl Weathers as Apollo Creed)

The focus today will be on the defense. Because I am a fanatical believer in the Church of Saban, my football team will be running a base 3-4.

DE – Michael Myers (Halloween) – You really have to admire Michael’s toughness in the trenches. He was able to overcome taking six bullets in the John Carpenter’s original movie and go on to make a bajillion sequels. The question I have is Michael’s up-the-field speed on passing downs .

NG – Andre the Giant as Fezzik (The Princess Bride) - The man weighs about 500 bills, there is no way any center is going to be able to move him off the line. He has been known to strength train by stoning people to death with large boulders. Conditioning may be an issue.

DT – Debo (Friday) – Some scouts are quick to point out Debo’s lack of toughness. Let’s face it, Craig got lucky in his fight with Debo. Debo would have destroyed Craig if it had not been for Craig’s use of foreign objects.

OLB – Anton Chigurh (No Country for Old Men) – Opponents have compared him to the freaking bubonic plague. My original thought is to start him out at the “Jack” linebacker position. Anton always seems find a way to get him man. Plus, I am pretty confident that in an overtime situation that our team would win every coin toss with Anton calling it.

MLB – Patrick Bateman (American Psycho) – Aside from his athleticism, I selected Bateman because every team needs a Lattimer from The Program character on their squad. I am not responsible for his “alleged” distribution of steroids. He told me they were just lidocaine and B12 shots.

MLB – King Leonidas (300) – Your telling me that Leonidas can lead an army of 300 somewhat homosexual (Spartans soldiers did each other) into battle against a million Persians with too much cologne, but he couldn’t execute a simple delayed blitz up the A-gap?

OLB – Marv (Sin City) – Marv is the epitome of toughness. While I was scouting Marv’s game tape, he was able to shrug off multiple gunshot wounds, being hit by a car, and a blow to the head by a sledgehammer. Coaches will have to monitor his drinking on the weekends.

CB – Axel Foley (Beverly Hills Cop) – Scouts are raving about Axel’s fluid hips after watching his third, in which he save two children from a broken Ferris Wheel.

FS – Mr. Blonde (Resevoir Dogs) - Mr. Blonde will revolutionize the phrase "ear-holing a receiver". There is some thought that he might have some authority issues.

SS – Will Smith as Captain Steven Hiller (Independence Day) - After putting together a team full of psychotic killers, I thought that I needed to class my team up with someone like Captain Hiller. Well, that was until I realized that Captain Hiller was about to marry a stripper, which makes him more likely to fit in on my squad. Also, you have to like the fact that Captain Hiller won a fist fight with an extra-terrestrial.

CB – Dalton (Road House) – The #1 Cooler in the business.


I will cover the offense in my next article. Until then, stay classy…

THURBER

A Word from the BPE

The Tax Foundation presents some very interesting data regarding the share of the total tax burden. Here is the relevant material.

"IRS data shows that in 2007—the most recent data available—the top 1 percent of taxpayers paid 40.4 percent of the total income taxes collected by the federal government. This is the highest percentage in modern history. By contrast, the top 1 percent paid 24.8 percent of the income tax burden in 1987, the year following the 1986 tax reform act. Remarkably, the share of the tax burden borne by the top 1 percent now exceeds the share paid by the bottom 95 percent of taxpayers combined."

Here is the full link: http://www.taxfoundation.org/blog/show/24944.html

That truly is remarkable. The top 1 percent pay more in taxes than the bottom 95 percent COMBINED. President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, et al: don't let facts get in the way of your arguments.

Hat tip to Greg Mankiw.

The BPE . . . out.

A Word from the BPE

Surely you've heard something about the government's "Cash for Clunkers" program that this week ran out of money. Here's an interesting take on the whole program from a reader in Lexington, Kentucky:

http://www.kentucky.com/595/story/876313.html

This reader's analysis is both simple and right on. What the program does is to essentially raise the market value of used cars -- why sell a clunker for $1000 when you can get $4500 from the government (provided, of course, that you are trading in to get a new car)?

So the supply of clunkers in the used car market is going to become seriously restricted, raising prices. Who buys really crappy old cars? Poor people, young people, etc.. In other words, people who can't afford better cars. For many of these folks, the ability to drive is crucial in finding and keeping employment.

So what this program does is to make it more difficult for poor people to purchase vehicles. Like the minimum wage, it is a racist law and unfairly targets young people. Do not let yourself be fooled. It is not out of benevolence or a desire to help the poor that lawmakers pass laws. In this case it's a handout to the auto companies. In the case of the minimum wage it's a handout to the unions (who want to restrict the supply of competing labor). In both cases average Joe and Jane lose.

The BPE . . . Out.

Mr. T's Wave of Flavor

Is this the same guy who once beat Rocky Balboa?

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